new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
