Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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