He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
