i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize