that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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