My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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