Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
