yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
