I just saw a hot homeless man
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
