Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
