woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
