I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
