dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
