She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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