I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
