Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
