New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
