I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
