once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
