I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
