the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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