I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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