his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
