but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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