I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize