Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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