if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
