Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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