Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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