Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
