yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
