Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
