why didn't you poke me back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I love you.
Bad choice
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
