Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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