She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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