Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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