I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
