it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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