That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
