i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize