Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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