So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
