The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
