That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
