Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
