So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
