Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
