You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
