well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
