i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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