All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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