My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
