It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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