that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
