We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
