It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize