So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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