She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
