So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
