apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
