guys are not supposed to queef...right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
