Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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