so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
