omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
