the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
