omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
