would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
