I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
