I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
