I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
