tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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