so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
