So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
