It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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