Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
