yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize