Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
