You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
