you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
