Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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