planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
