I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
