I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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