Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
