My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
