I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
