I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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