Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
