fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
